Illegal Aliens

The only humans living in the USA that are NOT descendants of immigrants* are Native Americans. Millions of people who have escaped** to America, go through the process of becoming a citizen. The following is not my attempt to comment on this complicated topic. But when I read it I thought it dripped of irony and truth at the same time. This is at once humorous and sad.    

Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator: 

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien*** and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. 

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications , as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums .. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

 

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. 

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent, (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA) 

Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA 

* ** ***Definition of immigrant vs alien:

An alien is someone who is not a citizen of the country. Citizenship confers on the individual all rights such as the right to vote, as well as associated responsibilities, such as being subject to conscription. An alien may be an non-immigrant or immigrant(permanent resident), may or may not have the right to work in the country, and may be legally allowed to live in the country for varying durations. Regardless of these restrictions and rights, an alien is not a citizen of the country. All aliens living in the country can be considered immigrants, especially if they have temporarily resettled in the country.

An immigrant, on the other hand, may or may not be an alien. An immigrant in a country is someone who has relocated there from another country. If the immigrant has applied for and received citizenship, then they are no longer an alien. Since the definition of immigration relates to the country of origin and the country of resettlement, the person would be called an immigrant throughout their life because they relocated to a new country from their country of origin. However, as soon as the immigrant receives citizenship, they are not an alien any more.

http://www.diffen.com/difference/Alien_vs_Immigrant

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